Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
