Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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