I wish I could teleport
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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