They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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