I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize