And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
