Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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