Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
