in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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