I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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