Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
