i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
