i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just had sex on a roof
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
try to milk me bitch
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