I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
