Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
