Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
