Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
