Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
