Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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