Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
