That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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