I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize