girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
