Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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