Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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