Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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