how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I smell stomach acid.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
