Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
