her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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