On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
