The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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