i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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