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please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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