You're completely useless in the revolution.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
