I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
