Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
