i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize