remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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