No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
