...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
