On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
