She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
