i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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