My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
it glows. i had to have it.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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