advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize