FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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