all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize