i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
