is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
