you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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