I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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