I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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