wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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