He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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