Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
