I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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