i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
