You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Pants are for mortals
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
