wakey wakey hands off snakey
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
