Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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