Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
