You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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