so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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